End of Year Reflections

So this isn't going to be a complete reflection of the entire year, but just some thoughts I have going on now at the end of the year.

I have been feeling really comfortable in my abilities this last month. I have been stepping up more to deal with conflicts and take on responsibilities at school. That has been something I have been working on all year at school. If there was a fight at school I would let someone else handle the situation, or go ask for someone else's help. Lately I have been facilitating working through conflicts on my own, and often times they have been successful. Of course there is always space for growth, but all in all I have grown a lot and I am happy with that.

Over this year I have also started delving deeper into my own boundaries, needs and ego. I can recognize more readily when my ego is rearing it's ferocious head. I definitely felt that tonight at staff circle. I had expectations about circle because this was my last one and it felt important to me, but other people didn't have the same expectations, which I can't blame them for, but it left me feeling void. I opened up more than I usually do and talked honestly about my experience and where I was at, and of the few people that actually showed up for circle, no one had anything to say to me. Actually thinking back about the year the only positive feedback I have gotten is that it is nice I offer lots of classes and that the students seem to really like it. Part of that probably has to do with the fact that I don't open up to the teachers very often. But I feel like I can be an effective teacher and not lay myself wide open all the time. I just want to know that my work here meant something to someone. I feel that from the students, but I also am such a temporary figure in their lives. So anyways, I can identify this as my ego needing a little affirmation, but I still feel hurt. My hurt was deepened by the fact that some of the teachers told another intern who has been here for a month how wonderful she effortlessly seemed to fall into the flow of the school.

Blah.